指导学生写SAT 短文实例

汪小武

指导学生写SAT短文实例

第一步，请学生送一篇最近写的短文了解学生现状

下面是收到的短文：

点评：

整体而言，这是一篇平均线以上的短文。 合理估计可以得9分（满分12分）。

长处：结构合理， 文笔流畅，大架子清析。观点和论述明了。

弱点：论述浅显， 转换生硬，文字只停留在肤浅的层次上重复不能引人深入，在深和广的两方面用力不够。

更具体说

第一段，     观点明确，论述乏力，转换平淡。

第二段，     第二段， 逻辑不严密，讨论不深入，分析只停留在表面。

。。。

最后一段， 深度和广度都没提升。

第二步， 对学生了解后，第一次视频见面，把我的“八股”方法细细解释后，再针对学生的写作特点一 一指出，同时教学生怎么克服弱点，解答学生问题。然后交给学生第一个题目，请学生写我指导下的第一篇短文。

Assignment: Is it more valuable for people to fit in than to be unique and different? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

很快学生交来了作业：

Being different, as opposed to fitting in, is more valuable. When people maintain beliefs that go against the status quo, they provide useful and enriching perspectives. Additionally, standing out can set historical precedents that benefit future generations. Numerous examples, including those of Elizabeth Blackwell and Nicolas Copernicus, can attest to these benefits.

           During the 19th century, Elizabeth Blackwell became the first American woman to earn a medical degree. During Blackwell’s lifetime, practicing medicine was viewed as a career for men. Blackwell, however, chose to break social norm by pursuing her dream of becoming a physician. Despite many people’s mockery of her pursuits, Blackwell eventually obtained her M.D. from the Geneva College of Medicine. Rather than accepting a career deemed suitable for women, Blackwell chose to stand out and become a doctor. This decision not only improved the wellbeing of Blackwell’s patients, but more importantly opened up opportunities for women in the medical field. Laws would later outlaw the discrimination that barred women from studying medicine, and today, women make up a huge portion of the field.

           Renaissance scientist Nicolas Copernicus’s belief in a heliocentric solar system rather than the currently accepted geocentric model was also very valuable. During his research on celestial movement, Copernicus found that his mathematics supported the idea of a heliocentric solar system. He published his findings in his paper, On the Rotation of the Heavenly Spheres. At the time, his research was considered heretical because it opposed the geocentric model supported by the church. In spite of public scorn, Copernicus refused to renounce his discovery. Future scientists would prove that Copernicus was indeed correct and build upon his research. Johannes Kepler, for one, formulated his famous laws of planetary motion based on Copernicus’s findings. By being different instead of fitting in, Copernicus contributed valuable scientific information to mankind.

           Standing out is more valuable than fitting in. By being different, Blackwell and Copernicus respectively helped break gender norms and contribute important scientific knowledge. Furthermore, being unique enriches society as a whole by making others not feel obligated to fit into society’s cookie cutter molds. Therefore, it is more valuable for people to be different than to fit in.

点评：

第一段：论述深入了，转换不再是只有骨架，有了血肉。

第二段：故事论述不深，还肤浅，最后分析开始有深入的思维，但执行力度不够。

。。。

最后一段，开始向深度和广度提升了。

第三步，修改文章。 针对学生的特点修改达到满意后，写第二篇文章

ASSIGNMENT: Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

作业交来如下：

People create, rather than receive, their own identity through making significant and courageous choices in the face of challenges. These meaningful decisions reveal the ideas and principles that one lives by and thus are the primary contributors to one’s true self. Numerous individuals, such as Hester Prynne and Malala Yousafzai, demonstrate that identity, instead of being inborn, is forged through compelling actions that determine one’s personal values.

In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s book, The Scarlet Letter, the protagonist, Hester Prynne, builds her own identity as a compassionate and independent woman by remaining strong and working to support her daughter despite being labeled by the Puritan community as an adulterer. Hester Prynne, assuming her husband had been lost at sea on his voyage to America, has an affair with another man without getting a proper divorce. After the birth of her daughter, Pearl, Prynne is forced to wear a scarlet letter “A” on her chest at all times to remind people of her sin. The community isolates her and attempts to force the identity of an adulterer onto Prynne. Despite the public shaming, she continues to display a calm disposition, takes on work as a seamstress, and performs numerous charitable deeds. Eventually, members of the Puritan community come to recognize her exceptional character and mental strength and see her as “able woman” rather than an “adulterer.” By choosing to persist despite humiliation and loneliness, Prynne establishes her personal identity and successfully repeals the one forced upon her. Prynne’s actions end up not only changing herself but also begin to transform the community, which learns tolerance and acceptance over the course of the novel.

Furthermore, Malala Yousafzai, present day activist for women’s rights in Pakistan, managed to reject the prescribed identity as a homemaker in the patriarchal society she was born into. From a young age, Malala worked hard in academic subjects and dreamt of becoming a politician despite the general belief in her country that women weren’t suited for politics. In addition to attending school, Malala was very vocal about women’s right to an education. Such actions angered the Taliban, and in 2012, a member of the extremist group shot Malala in the head. After her widely publicized recovery, Malala chose to step onto the global platform and speak up for women’s rights at events such as the United Nations convention. By refusing to accept the identity of a woman confined to the house, Malala not only established herself as an intelligent and well-spoken young adult but also raised gender awareness for women across the globe. Because of the steps Malala took in defining her true self, young girls in Pakistan, India, and Afghanistan are a now a hot topic and have millions of people worldwide supporting their right to an education.

Hester Prynne and Malala Yousafzai prove that a person does not simply receive his or her identity but is responsible for developing it through significant choices requiring a courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Furthermore, by choosing to define themselves through their own means, these women helped liberate the society in which they lived in addition to themselves. Besides helping people live their life to the fullest, self-creation of identity is essential to creating diversity and promoting a cosmopolitan viewpoint in society.

点评：无疑，这是满分文章。

论述问题可以一环扣一环，深入而严密。有深度有广度了。

这样一来，我指导学生两篇文章的任务圆满完成。可是还有一个环节，学生是打字的，实际考试是手写。这学生能不能在25分钟内写出这水平文章呢？面对这样好学生，老师早把方孔兄给忘了。于是，我告诉学生，愿意免费再指导一篇，要学生手写在25分钟内完成。

第三篇题目：

ASSIGNMENT: Is using humor the best way to approach difficult situations and problems? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

作业交来了：

点评：这是满分文章(至少可得11分）。于是我向学生致贺

学生回复：

Hello Dr. Wang,

Thank you again for all of your help!

I really enjoyed your classes, and I learned some things that I would've never thought of before.

I now feel better prepared not just for the SAT but also for future endeavors like college.

Wishing you the best,